Fathering is a Cultural Issue Well Under the Radar

The NYT ran a good story about the issue of father’s role in parenting: Fathers Gain Respect From Experts (and Mothers)

Full-on sexism is alive and well when it comes to parenting. I was completely oblivious to this until I had a baby.

The NYT article brings up excellent points regarding fathers’ role. The very language of fathers being “involved” highlights the sexism. You would never ask how involved a mother is. It’s expected she is more than “involved”. If a father is “involved”, it’s seen as a virtue.

Here are a few points I would add to this article:

• It used to irk Melissa Calapini when her 3-year-old daughter, Haley, hung around her father while he fixed his cars. Wow. I’m guessing it would have been okay if it had been a boy.
• Because mothering is their realm, some women micromanage fathers and expect them to do things their way. It is easy to fall into this trap. No one person is to blame when it happens.
• The article said low-income families benefited more from parenting classes with both parents attending than with father-only classes. This is interesting. The sexism of parenting is often less in low-income families because they often have no alternative to having one parent work while the other watches the children. In the future they should study more affluent parents who have a greater ability to separate parenting roles than poor families.

I am glad to see articles like this in the New York Times. These are huge issues that are barely talked about when a couple is having a baby. There’s a lot of talk about baby shower products and decorating the baby’s room. Regardless of what the couple wants each parent’s role to be, they should work out a detailed plan so that the rigors of parenting don’t lead them roles by default.