My Kids Are Learning to be Keepers of Their Own Lives

From I Am the Keeper by Cameron Reeves Poynter, former lawyer, a rabid sports fan and a wife and mother of two boys.

I am the keeper of rituals and memories. Of pumpkin patches and Easter egg hunts. I am the taker of pictures, the collector of special ornaments, and the writer of letters.
I am the keeper of emotional security. The repository of comfort, the navigator of bad moods, the holder of secrets and the soother of fears.
I am the keeper of the peace. The mediator of fights, the arbiter of disputes, the facilitator of language, the handler of differing personalities. 

My two kids have no keeper.  We all, including the 7- and 9-y/o kids, step up when we see someone in need.  There's no dedicated keeper, so sometimes we have to figure out our own bandaids.  I'm really proud at how even the kids mostly look out for one another and even the parents.  There's no grandparent help.  It's just us.

I am an electronics engineer, and my wife is a lawyer.  I cannot imagine one of us becoming a former engineer or former lawyer.  Pumpkin patches and Easter egg hunts are for off time.  I do wish we had more things like that, and that we were less tired.  But it's beyond my imagination to give up electronics or my wife to stop being an attorney.

I am very confident that my kids are learning a kind of emotional security from our encouraging them to go out and find people to play with.  We love playing with them some, but we live in the adult world.  The world of making mobile phones work better and helping people have their final wishes respected.  The kids' is the world of play.  I tell them try not to forget how to play as you grow older.  The kids world is also kids resolving some disputes on their own, learning to handle different personalities on their own, getting confidence slowly to handle the world's problems and eventually take their place as adults, like their parents.  They have a comfortable place to come home to when they're upset, but they do not have an ever-present keeper of emotional security.  They go out on their own on their bikes, and they don't know exactly what they'll find.

I can't imagine becoming a former-engineer to manage the kids world.  Maybe the “keepers” of the world can't imagine practicing law.  Keepers, we don't have to understand one another.  My 7-y/o daughter picks herself up after a minor scrape, but if you ever see her hurt worse, out there really crying, I would appreciate if you call me.  It's never happened, but I shudder to think of one of them really hurt.  If you're really exhausted, as I sometimes am, my kids will show yours how to resolve problems on their own.  I want to know if you ever see them resolving problems unfairly or ever hitting or stealing.  So far they always step up and act responsibly.  Be sensitive, keepers, if you ever ask us to work at a bake sale or fund raiser.  Instead ask if our businesses could make a donation at this time or if any of the organizations we work on have a budget for donations.  Sometimes they do.

I truly envy part of the keepers’ world.  My wife and I have lost something of the kid world.  We only see it when we watch the kids.  I humbly apologize to the keepers if I ever look at you some weird female Peter Pan for managing the world of Easter egg hunts and kids' games.  I tell my kids never to be disrespectful like that.  The world needs all kinds.  Maybe you could do something fun with our kids when they play with yours, way more fun than their stodgy old parents.  Maybe my kids can show you a secret place only kids know about and how to climb a tree so high it would give any parent pause.  I’d love to think of our kids becoming friends for life, looking out over the park from high in a tree in a place parents don’t know about.  

Christ Almighty is a Valid Curse Word

Yesterday I was talking to a friend who is very proficient in English and is a native speaker of Spanish. I admitted that once, in exasperation at my four-year-old wanting to go outside but resisting me helping him put on his winter clothes, I blurted out in front of the kids, "Oh Christ Almighty, just put on your coat!"

My friend thought it was the goofiest curse he had ever heard.  He told me that was not a real curse, and he was going to ask other native English speakers if it was a joke.  "All I know is that Craystamaiatin is no curse!"  He said it sounded at best like a minced oath.  Even if someone used it in anger, esp with crisp and nasal Midwestern accent, he'd have a hard time not laughing aloud.  

This is a common curse.  It's interesting how words are perceived so differently based on our background.

La Leche Pamphlets Have No Place in Clinics and Hospitals

I took my son to a pediatrician appointment for an ear infection today.  While we waited for the doctor, I grabbed some pamphlets to try to entertain myself and my son.  One of them was from La Leche League.  This is an organization that ostensibly supports breastfeeding, but ends up supporting the philosophy "a woman's place is in the home."  Amazingly, many Madison progressives think La Leche stands for supporting women's rights.

It's unfortunate that an organization promoting any political agenda is able to get its materials into so many clinics and hospitals.  It would be like the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) made pamphlet's about drug abuse for clinics.  I agree with reforming drug prohibition, but that political discussion shouldn't find its way into doctor's offices.

If you read La Leche's materials, you'll read about how breastfeeding is one of the most important things you can do for the health of a baby.  When you look at the scientific papers on the topic, you find there is some evidence that breast-feeding is linked to slight reductions in the probability of various health problems, but we do not yet know if that correlation is causal.

I'd love to know how to get La Leche materials out of clinics and hospitals.  Those materials feed a political agenda misrepresented as science to people who are at time in their lives when they need good medical advice. 

WI DoR - Friendly and Easy-to-Work-With?

A bill from the WI Department of Revenue (DoR) arrived yesterday for estimated employee withholding taxes for a company I own, which has never had employees.  I thought they must be confusing the tax ID for my wife's business or the ID for our domestic employees with my company's ID.  I steeled myself for a long wait to talk to some languid bureaucrat.  If it got too annoying, I could just have our accountant deal with it.

After a three minute wait on hold, a friendly and knowledgeable person was helping me.  He explained that it was because I failed to file a zero-dollar withholding report form.  There was no fee or hard feelings.  He showed me how to add this company to my account on the DoR's website, so I can report this online.

Governor Walker keeps saying Wisconsin must be cheap on taxes to bring jobs.  It's far more important, though, for Wisconsin to be easy.  The company for which they helped me resolve the tax issue just so happens to be hiring someone in the next six weeks.  Having a user-friendly DoR website and a supportive staff there makes me sanguine about the process.

Maybe Governor Walker is doing something right behind the scenes to have such helpful people answering the phones, but his public rhetoric borders on demonizing the state's employees.  We need to be inspiring to these people and look for ways to retain the really good people who help small businesses rather than looking for a way to cut their pay or benefits.

I'm not sure who's responsible for the quick service I received today, but I say thank you to the WI DoR.  User-friendliness, a positive attitude, and a Wisconsin work ethic are important things to have on the front lines of a government agency that directly deals with job creation.

Personal Finance Concerns Go Beyond Politics

NYT says Americans' wariness about their economic circumstances may allow Romney to convince them he could fix their problems.  Polling numbers apparently show many people not having their act together financially.

• 67% - Worried about paying for their housing
• 20% - Owe more on their house than it's worth
• 40% - Will have trouble paying for their kids' eduction
• 33% - High gasoline prices ($200/mo per car roughly on average) are causing problems

These are amazing statistics.  Are houses' valuation is based on what the market will bear, and apparently that means prices that people can't afford.  Most people bought or rented a house they can't afford?  That seems hard to believe.

The next most shocking statistic is about fuel prices.  If the average car is driven 1000 miles/mo and gets 20 miles/gallon, that's 50 gallons/mo.  At $4/gallon, that's $200/mo.  $200/mo can make or break someone's financial world?  If a family with two cars received $400 more per month, i.e. free gasoline, it would change their financial circumstances?  Maybe this refers to people who use their cars way more than average for business or a special circumstance.  I wish the NYT probed further.

I also wish they had probed why 40% of Americans have had to alter expectations for the type of college they can afford for their children.  What changed between their old expectations and today's?  The stock market has recovered from the crisis three years ago.  Contributions to a typical college fund made during the crisis have nearly doubled. 

I am not trying to make light of the suffering behind these numbers.  They point to a problem bigger than what all the branches of all levels of government combined could do.

Issue of Public Unions is Complicated for Madison

Last February I got a couple of anonymous comments asking why I didn't address the labor protests in Madison at that time.

The main reason is that the Madison vs the rest of the state conflict is not just ideological. Everyone in the state pays taxes, but Wisconsin spends and inordinate amount of that money here in Madison. So all of Madison gets an economic boost at the expense of the rest of the state. Madison is economically successful because of all the knowledgeable people from the university and because of the Wisconsin work ethic. All the government money spent here helps too. Although no one in my immediate family works for the government, many of our clients work for the government. The tide of government money indirectly lifts all boats in Madison. This is not fair to the rest of the state. It would be nice to see government offices spread around the state and linked using IT.

Then there is the issue of the merits of labor unions. I completely rejected Governor Walker's argument that weakening the unions would save money for the state to help balance the budget. The unions were already agreeing to the pay cuts, so it wasn't necessary to dismantle them. My main criticism of unions is that they stifle innovation. They discourage giving people wide authority over a cost center and ability to innovate even if involves hiring and firing people or giving large bonuses based on managers' personal judgment. I am hoping future politicians use the weakened state of unions to shake things up and give great pay for great results, not to nickle-and-dime money out of employees.

It's easy for people to claim critics of unions don't care about helping the poor. Unions can help the poor, but they can also encourage mediocrity. We need to find ways to help the needy without the negative side effects of unions.

Taxes and Jobs

I heard a piece on Marketplace this evening about small business owner's reaction to the "Buffet Rule" increasing taxes on families earning more than a million dollars per year.

The question is whether a tax change would affect hiring and other investment behavior.

Within reasonable tax rates, it's absurd to say tax rates affect hiring and investment. The only reason for business expenses is they earn money. People are taxed on what they earn after expesnes.

You could use the same logical error to say increasing taxes causes hiring and investment since the value of the write-offs increase with tax rate.

This is all absurd. Between state and federal taxes even people with modest earnings set aside a third of what they earn. It's legitimate to ask if we want to take any more. It's legitimate to ask if social services and a military larger that most other militaries combined are worth the cost. If every one, not just business owners, had to write checks for a third of their income people would reevaluate the size of government. But let's not pretend like the issue of taxes is about "jobs".